Landing Page Makeover Clinic #24:

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The Maven’s 10-Point Critique

image of landing pageClick image for larger view

#1 — Make your case in the first screen with a strong, provocative headline.

As I said, you have a lot of competition in the web monitor software sector. So what can you say about your software that no other company can or does — or is there a benefit you can push forward that other companies don’t?

Your current headline is okay — “Know What Your Kids Do Online,” but it’s factual, head-based. You already have a stronger headline, “Build a Wall of Protection for Your Kids” further down. Can you feel the difference in emotional resonance?

NannySoft isn’t about software. It’s about parents protecting and shielding their kids from the bad guys and porn sites that operate so freely online. Parents are looking to NannySoft to give them peace of mind in a scary world.

#2 — Keep stirring the emotion beyond the headline, make a strong offer, and don’t try to close the sale too soon.

If we take “Build a Wall of Protection for Your Kids” or perhaps “Build A Rock-Solid Wall of Protection Around Your Kids,” then we transition to NannySoft as the purveyor of parental protection:

NannySoft keeps your kids safe from online predators by allowing you to monitor their every move:

  • (Then spell out feature/benefit 1)
  • (Feature/benefit 2)
  • (Feature/benefit 3)

Also, don’t ask for the sale in your headline. It’s too much like a man who takes a woman to dinner on a first date and proposes marriage over drinks — don’t rush things. Make your case first.

Focus on getting folks to take a 10-day risk-free trial. You can add a “Purchase Now” button and link on the free-trial page and offer your visitor an incentive (discount, free upgrade) to buy now. Back up your purchase offer with a money-back guarantee.

#3 — Forget the screen shots. Hook your visitors with a well-made video.

Take the video tour now — make this your first call to action.

I found myself impatiently wading through your screen shots. A professional video — well-designed and thoughtfully written — could do a much better job of showing your prospects how NannySoft works, what it does, and help them imagine how it might work on their own computers.

#4 — Change the main image to focus on the family.

The child you’re showing isn’t really school-aged and the scene is pleasant and pastoral. Hardly scary or discomforting. So to reinforce the parental protection angle, show the mom or dad with their child on the computer together, or the child on the computer in the foreground and mom/dad in the background. The key is to make the connection between child/family/computer safety.

You’ve already done this with the electronic mock-up on your purchase page (see below). This is precisely the kind of image you want on the home page.

image of landing page

#5 — Change your tag line to further reinforce your message.

“Watching your kids in an online world” isn’t bad, but isn’t emotional enough. You want more words about safety, protection, and security in there.

Remember this is an emotional purchase, just like safety latches on medicine cabinets. Parents want to make it hard for their children to get hurt. Parents want to keep an eye on their kids while giving them the illusion of freedom. Parents want freedom from worry. NannySoft’s message needs to appeal on all these levels.

#6 — Put more of the goodies upfront and rework your navigation.

Right now, your primary navigation is bland. It doesn’t show enough about NannySoft and your company without a lot of clicks. This is important because the primary navigation has the main information visitors want within easy reach when they first arrive. I suggest the following:

  • HOME (and don’t forget to link your logo to
  • Features
  • Requirements
  • FAQ
  • Download Free Trial (highlight this with a bright color)
  • Testimonials
  • Contact Us

Secondary navigation is the place for sweeteners and confidence boosters:

  • About Us — Tutorials — Support

#7 — Answer the question, “Will it work on my system?”

I can’t find that info anywhere on your site. Make a badge, tell the folks what they need to know, and add it to your home page. Link it to your requirements page.

#8 — Add those essential credibility boosters!

Answer the questions: Who are you and Where are you located?

Your current About Us really isn’t about you at all. I’m a potential customer for a monitoring product that will go on my child’s or family’s computer. I’m already in a wary frame of mind. You need to tell me your company’s story and who the players are.

You also need to tell me where you’re located. Customers are wary about giving credit card info to companies they can’t find on a map. No location, no sale.

Answer the question: Who are your customers and what do they say?

Add testimonials from satisfied customers.

Don’t have enough customers yet? Get yourself connected via social media and give some copies away via Twitter. Set-up a NannySoft Facebook fan page and offer fans a Free Friday giveaway. Add a blog about child safety online and encourage subscribers via RSS and email.

#9 — Standardize your font choice and handling for enhanced readability.

Depending on the page, your font sizes go from too teeny to too large and too bold. Blech. Revise your CSS to give you sizing in the mid-range, 10 to 12 point for body content.

#10 — Rework your home page to help your visitors ‘get the message’ faster.

I believe your current home page design is inefficient in its current form, so I spent some time noodling some possibilities for you. (See the image below.)

The idea is to give your visitors more ‘tastes’ of what you’ve got, to encourage them to explore deeper inside.

image of landing pageClick image for larger view

BONUS — Make sure your awards are really awards and have value.

I took a list at your Awards page and honestly, it reminded me of the ‘any badge is a good badge’ days of the late 1990s. But I do encourage you to seek out meaningful awards from parent and/or teacher organizations and top-flight software industry awards.

And when you get them, don’t hide them on a back page. Add them to the home page where prospects like me with three web-active kids can see them.

My thanks to David Gilbert for his patience and support of Heifer International. Look for my next makeover in 3 to 4 weeks.

Warren Knight thanks the Author: Roberta Rosenberg is The Copywriting Maven at MGP Direct, Inc. Find her @CopywriterMaven at Twitter. If you’re interested in a private critique/makeover, a site audit, or other services, please email her directly.


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